tea: the truth!

Tea: a green, gargling gobble blaster from beyond the stars of the Pleiades.  If you ask anyone random person that you see what tea is, that is one definition you will most likely not hear.  On the other hand, if you were to peruse a dictionary you might find something along the lines of this: an herb used for many centuries for medicinal or recreational purposes.  Of course, the definition would then need to expand and explain that tea is also a drink, a leaf, a delicacy and a source of caffeine.  But most Americans simply are too lazy to pick up a dictionary, so there is a generalized definition for you.

So what is tea really?  It is all of the above and more.  If you don’t believe me, feel free to travel down the streets of London on any random day and ask anyone at a cafe to show you what tea is.  You might find yourself invited to sit down with your new acquaintance for a cup of tea.  Maybe you’ll be looked at oddly.  Or if you’re a tourist in the area and ask the wrong person (say, a man named “Kitten”), you might find yourself past out in an alley three hours later.   Either way, if you’re reading this, you’re most likely not in London but online or are my english professor reading this for a grade.       

Now, if you’re interested in what this tea thing really is, read carefully.  One, it is a plant; if you dislike anything herbal in your system then you may want to avoid tea altogether (especially those that may be on the Atkins diet).  The second thing to know about tea is that it can be served hot or cold.  While this may baffle many of your senses, remember, tea is a plant and not ice cream.  Popsicles will melt if not kept cold.  Our lovely plant will not.  So logic stands and this herbal delicacy may be served hot or cold.  Thirdly, it is not customary to ingest tea leaves.  While some strange tribal cultures just might enjoy that sort of thing, you are not a member of a tribal culture.  You decided to climb down from the trees.  Yes, you might be missing a feeling of euphoria by eating tea leaves, but you have no choice.  You place tea leaves in water; this allows osmosis to occur and a delicious concoction will be created: tea! This leads to the most important tidbit about tea: it has multiple definitions.  You now have another form of tea; a form that is a beverage.        

Ingestion of tea, seeing how you should not eat the leaves, is quite simple.  Once you have the beverage in front of you, you may warm it up. Or you could add a few cubes of ice to cool it down.  There is the option to add honey, a bit of cream or possibly some milk for flavoring purposes.  Perhaps you would like to ice the entire thing, pour in a cup of sugar per glass and let your teeth rot away at such a delicious concoction? Either way, you can flavor your tea with just about anything you’d like.  In fact, you could even add more tea leaves. So now that you know that tea is not an alien invader from another world, you are better off than most people who are not from earth. You also may not wake up in an alley with pink ribbons in your hair. And best of all, you’ll know what a good drink is.  So enjoy your tea and don’t forget your water.

 This essay is copyright 2003 James C. Traver, Jr.